DUUUUUDE!!

The other night, I was reading bedtime stories to Brady. He wanted to read a book where a bunch of animals just say "shhhhh," which I thought was too boring, so I changed it. 

"Meeeooowww" says the cat and "Ruffff" says the dog. I changed everything from "shhhh" to the noise that particular animal makes. Then, we came to the turtle page.

Now, I can bluff my way through most animals, doing a blubbery noise for fish, a nibbling noise for bunnies, etc. But that turtle completely stumped me. After a few seconds, I just said, "I don't know what turtles say; turtles don't say anything!"

Brady waited a second, looked at me, and told me, "No, nemo turtle say DUUUUUUDDDDEEE!"

Losing Control

I am a control freak. FREAK. 

I distinctly remember a project in sixth grade where I had to write a screenplay based on the Underground Railroad. We were assigned groups of maybe four or five students, and away we went with this major project. The problem was, I didn’t like my group; they were not hard-working or capable enough in my mind. Before long, I was taking on the entire project myself. They gave their input and I typed up the entire thing alone, adding and editing the script as I saw fit. It was a ton of work, my mom had to help me because I couldn’t type fast enough (this was before emails/texting/online chatting was around), and the rest of the group got to slack off.

When I was younger, this need to be in control was thought to be a good thing: I was a leader, I was strong, I was smart, I was capable of handling things on my own. As I’ve gotten older, my need to do things “my way” has become a stumbling block in my relationship with others, in my ability to manage my time, and in my relationship with God.

Control freaks detest the unknown, and the unknown is squandered when we have our way. When we are in control, we feel powerful. We are convinced we know best and are the only ones capable of doing something “right”. Or at the very least, the way that will be least hurtful and surprising.

This seems like a simple, no-brainer statement, but I am really learning you cannot control life. As will happen so often, when something slips out of my control, the anxiety kicks in. The very thing we think we have complete control over is turned upside-down. The proverbial rug is pulled out from under us, and all that is left is a pit. That feeling of spinning out of control gets unbearable. 

For me, that pit is like being in quicksand (or at least what I think it feels like to be in quicksand!). I struggle, I writhe, I worry, my heart beats faster as I sink, I think I’m making progress only to be knee deep the very next moment. The harder I grab for something, anything that I think might pull me out of the sand and back into some semblance of control, the worse it gets and the more I sink.

All the while during my flailing and suffering, God is standing patiently by, I think not so much shaking his head in shame or disappointment, but in the way a parent shakes their head at a young child, intent on conquering a difficult task himself that you know he needs help with. I think God looks at us in our sandy mess and just gently says over and over, “I am here. Stop grasping at the things of this world that you think will pull you out of this mess, and just be still. Be STILL, and know that I am God.” And the moment we decide we’ve had enough pain, we are too tired to continue on (which can take a VERY long time for a control freak), the moment we are finally still, God lifts us out of that gunk, cleans us off, takes our hand, and leads us to solid ground.

I don’t remember what grade I got on that project. It was probably an A. But what I do remember is my inability to let others take the reins and help me, even if they didn’t necessarily do it “my way”. And I see now how this need to be in control has dictated much of my life. 

I’m trying to let go and be still. I’m trying to let go, lose control, and let God. It’s not easy for this control freak, but I’m trying.

Perspectives on Miss America

When Miss Nebraska won Miss America on January 15, I was thrilled to see a young, poised, talented, confident contestant from a neighboring state win out over the “Seasoned Southerners”. I applaud the judges for looking past the “pageant patty” certain states have a reputation of producing year after year and crowning a fresh face.

When a young woman wins Miss America, one of the first things that state has to do is find a replacement for her at the state level. Logic says it would be the 1^st runner up, right? I mean, we all know the shpeel that the contestants get once it’s narrowed down to the final two ladies: “If for any reason the winner is unable to fulfill her duties, the 1^st runner up will assume the title of Miss FILL-IN-THE-BLANK”. 

Over the past several years, though, I have noticed states are having a tough time finding someone willing to serve the remainder of the year as that state’s representative. Points in case: 2009: Indiana wins Miss America, and no one in the top 5 is willing to take over as the new Miss Indiana. 2010: Same scenario in Virginia. 2011: Nebraska has to look to the 3^rd runner up to find a state titleholder.

Here is what I don’t understand: why are these 1^st runners up given the option of saying no to the job of Miss “STATE”? As 1^st runner up, that is part of the gig, part of the risk of competing. You are accepting the fact and the chance that if your state titleholder pulls a Tara Connor and drinks her way out of the title, is kicked out for some reason, or wins Miss America, you are responsible for taking her place. End of story.

Now, I do think some rules should be amended. For instance, if a state titleholder is removed from her position for any reason, including winning Miss America, she should have to forfeit her state scholarship money and remaining prizes to the new state titleholder. Otherwise, you are asking a young woman who was very close to winning the title to give up her eligibility to compete next year for what….no scholarships, prizes, and five months to do the job? Not that it should be a choice, but I can see why so many turn it down.

Here’s what I think should happen: if you are named 1^st runner up, you are expected to take the state title if the winner is removed from her position for any reason, including winning Miss America. If you don’t, you are required to sit out from competing for one year, and possibly even forfeit your 1^st runner up scholarship since you are not adhering to the rules that you signed in your contract. The former Miss “STATE” will relinquish all state scholarships and unused prizes to the new titleholder. This is fair because Miss America gets her own hefty scholarships and prizes, and the contract is already set up so that if you are removed/leave for any other reason, you forfeit your winnings. The new titleholder, then, would get her 1^st runner up scholarships as well as the winner’s. That makes the job a little more attractive, I think.

I get why these ladies turn the job down: they want “their shot” at Miss America. They want a full year to be Miss State. They want to win with all the glitz and pomp and circumstance, not a crummy crowning ceremony. They want the scholarship money. But I think it speaks volumes about the character and intentions of the girls who say “thanks, but no thanks” to the opportunity of serving as Miss STATE.

So let’s pretend those girls who turned down the crown go on to win a local and come back next year. If I were a judge, I would have one question I would be sure to ask each of them: “Why do you think you should be Miss STATE this year when just five months ago you were given the opportunity to have this job and turned it down? Why should I have confidence that you are interested in the job of Miss STATE and not just using it as a stepping stone for a 1-in-53 shot at Miss America?

I would love to hear those answers.