Monday, November 9, 2009

Birthday Boy

Happy birthday to my sweet little boy! He turned one on the 7th – where did THAT year go? During an unseasonably warm weekend, we enjoyed grilling out at our new house with family, playing yard games in 70+ degree weather, and hosting some friends in the evening for a movie.

As I got ready for church the following morning, I was holding Brady in the shower. I know I won’t be able to do it for much longer, but it’s easier and Brady prefers showers with mom over baths, so that’s usually how I bathe him. Anyway, his little feet were cold from being sockless on our kitchen floor. I cradled him in the shower, the warm water on his little toes. Normally he would squirm around after a few seconds, but this particular morning, he was totally content to just lie in my arms and stare up at me. No squirming, no poking at my eyes or mouth, not even a smile. It eerily reminded me of the first moment I got to hold him after he was born; how he just stared at me without expression, but grasped my hand so tightly and wouldn’t let go. That was the moment I knew he would have my heart forever. Now I looked at this 20+ pound little boy in my arms, with a personality, with likes and dislikes, with the ability to communicate.

I really don’t know where the last year went. But I’m trying to slow down and appreciate the little moments with him, so that they don’t go by so quickly, and so I don’t forget. Like this morning – it took probably 20 minutes just to dress Brady because he would not let go of my neck. He just wanted to hug me and if he even thought I was considering pulling away, he would tighten his grasp around my neck, bury his face in mine, and wrap his legs around me. Those are the moments I live for as a mom – knowing that there is nowhere else and with no one else my baby would rather be.

I’ve learned a lot this year: I don’t get very much done when Brady and I are home; I need more patience; I didn’t know I could love a child this much; and so much more. And while I am very excited by every stage, every milestone that he reaches, I am deeply saddened when I realize I will never get those moments back. No matter how many children I have, Brady, my firstborn, will never be “fill-in-the-blank” age again. So I resolve this year to let the little things go – if I am five minutes late for work because my son wants his mommy to hug him, that’s just the way it’s going to be.


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