Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Not-So-Working Girl

A week and a half ago, I was let go from my part-time job. I knew our company was struggling and had lost a couple major clients, but I didn't realize a third of the company was going to be let go, or that I was one of them.

Even though I've never been fired or let go before, losing your job is never fun. You tend to think it had something to do with you, even when they assure you it didn't. And since it was a family friend's business that I worked for, it is also hard knowing they are struggling to keep their company afloat.

For me, though, it was almost a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I have been feeling discontent in my position for awhile now. I was nearing the two-year mark in this position, and I was restless. I don't do desk jobs well. I enjoy writing, proofing, and design, but I felt like I was doing very little of that in my job and more just the stuff no one else wanted to do because I was the part-timer. But even if I was doing more of the things I enjoyed, it would only prolong the inevitable stirring I always feel about a year into a desk job: this is not my purpose, not why God put me on this Earth. And the longer I stay here, the longer it will take for me to figure out what that purpose is.

Even though I was struggling with this job, I couldn't justify leaving. It was a great set up for me working just part-time, the hours were flexible, and the company is very family-oriented so I always knew if my family needed me, they could still come first. I felt pressure to keep my work skills sharp, contribute to the income of our household, use the education my parents paid for, and be "successful" at something other than being a mom (as the world tells us we need to). All of this meant I would continue to try and convince my increasingly-unhappy self that I should keep my job.

I don't think it's a coincidence I was let go last Monday. While I don't yet know the reason for it, I really hope this time I figure it out. But in the meantime, I am going to really enjoy my summer at home with Brady, just being a mom.

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